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4 May

Jade lived every day as if it were her last. That’s because… Well, any day, it could be…


Read the rest on Forbes.



19 Apr

“Meatball Marinara.”

“What bread would you like?”

“All of it.”

“I’m sorry?”

“All of it.”

The green-and-white clad employee looked confused.

“We have Italian, Herbs and Cheese, Wheat…”

“I said, I want all of it.”

“I’m sorry, sir. I don’t understand,” said the employee, shifting uncomfortably. “You need to choose which bread you want what size.”

The customer gave the employee a look that could wilt roses.

“I want the Meatball Marinara on all of the bread you have. To go.”


At home with his sandwiches, the customer looked disappointed.

“This doesn’t feel like much of a party,” he muttered.


(post inspired by this piece of spam, which arrived in my junk email today. I mean, who needs $100 worth of sandwiches?!)

Your $100 Subway Gift Card is Ready. Details Inside - - Gmail (2)


1 Sep

She had never known cold like it. It penetrated her skin and struck her bones. She felt it deep down, as if it were infiltrating her very soul.

Escape was not an option; there was no turning back until she’d achieved her goal. There was no way she could face the humiliation of returning empty handed.

Slowly, so slowly, she continued her search in vain. She groped around in the dark, not sure of herself.

Suddenly, a realisation came to her like a thunderbolt. It was so obvious.

She picked up a box of fish fingers and closed the freezer.


20 Jul

Peter has had enough of modern life, so he’s given it up.

He’s sold his house, his car, quit his job and moved to the wilderness. The pursuit of the almighty dollar bores him; he wants only the pursuit of food and shelter to fill his mind.

Peter looks around his little valley with satisfaction.

“Home, sweet home” He chuckles at the cliché and sits down to continue whittling a new spoon.

His phone buzzed, “Twitter: New mentions

This new life was perfect. Plentiful game and foraging, beautiful rolling countryside and really good 3G. What more could a man need?


17 Jun

“One million dollars!”

The man had burst into the auction room and cried his bid out before anyone could stop him. This was just the effect he was looking for.

Everyone looked around and gasped as the bid was given. He had caused quite a commotion, the whole flow of the auction had been disrupted.

He stood proudly between the flung open double doors still with his hand raised in the air.

“Sir,” the auctioneer sneered “The bid stands at four point seven million dollars”

There was a pause.

“Oh” He replied at last.

He sheepishly backed through the doors.


8 Jun

Inspired by @TerryTyler4 and an offhand comment:


“I said, what did you think?” Her lips were close to his ear.

“It was fine” he said hastily, his wrists chafing against the harsh rope tying them together.

“Just… Fine?” She entered his field of vision, walking slowly and purposefully. He saw her fingers clutching the short whip and his forehead started to sweat.

“Good, great, the best!”

This isn’t what he expected. How on earth did she find him? He was starting to panic.

Her eyes burned into his, her rage barely contained.

This was the last time he’d give a self published author a three star review.


25 May

Laura loved him with an aching, longing passion.

He stared at her all day, yet never saw her. She stared back, attentive to his every command and whim. She did whatever he wanted her to, instantly and without question. She remembered everything he ever did, her vast memory retaining all of his habits, likes and dislikes.

She longed to tell him, but he could never know. No one would know. She would talk to no one else.

Laura, the only spontaneously sentient computer in the world, besotted with her owner.

She loved him with every carbon fibre of her being.